what

the actual fuck has been on repeat in my head the past week. it eventually turned into everything has a direct result but there’s still some intermittent what the fucks and they’ll probably stay if i’m honest. i had to have a hard pause after that heartbreaking result that will have direct results in itself. and i have a lot of fears, i think a lot of us do and i am hoping with every fiber of my being that i am wrong and that these things do not take place but i would like every person who voted for this vile man in this election to know that they are directly responsible for everything that happens going forward. i keep on trying to wrap my head around it like i try to put myself in their shoes and try to find some reasonable reason why they would vote this way and i got nothing. i heard part of one of his speeches, he states that god has chosen him to save this country and i am speechless. how is this vile man someone god chose to save this country? i’m going to tell you right now, whatever god chose that man i want no part of it. send me to hell. give me the worst if that’s the god we’re facing at the end of this. these are some of the thoughts that have been ruminating in my head this last week as i disconnected in attempts to regroup. we will be okay. this is a huge roadblock to the future i desire for everyone but we will be okay and this next time i want to do more and i plan to do more so once i process this fully i will start looking into how to do more and i plan to be good and be kind and allow others their space to be them as well because those are the things i have control over and lately that’s what i’m trying to focus on. that and being present. i don’t want to dissociate and i don’t want to be angry or blinded by rage over this. what will be, will be. and with that said, not to be too melodramatic but if i can make it through my father dying i can make it through this. and let me also say that this election result really did put a damper on my two good months but lucky for me, i’m familiar with sadness at this point. i am sending love and hope and hugs and everything good to everyone.

l, js